A late entry

Sorry. I promised I'd post a few days ago. I'll give you a bit of history about me as i said i would as soon as i got a chance to post.
I'm 26 now and I was adopted at 10 months from south korea. My parents are white, and try to understand me as much as they can. As you can read in my family I have always been different. I have a bit of a "cookie cutter" type family. I am the only person of non caucasian race in my whole family. So as my life started when i figured out i didn't fit in by image i fought to be different. My parents have always loved me through all the hard times, and pushing ive done. It took me a state prison bid that they stood behind me during to understand the strength of their love.
Abandonment alot of people say BPD can stem around it. I still have issues over my own adoption even though i often supress them like everything else. I try to come to terms and I rationalize it. For me there is no closure and it's like a wound thats never exactly healed. Family therepy most people think is a normal solution for this, but for me it pushed me further away from my adoptive family. I felt that everything was being sugar coated and no one knew the truth. Probly because no one did, but when i was younger i thought they were lying to me. I grew up very over protected and sheltered. I grew up in a strong christian household, and when i turned my back i turned it on my family and god.
Abuse is one of those things that the people has a black and white deffinition of, but they don't give to much room for variables. I don't really call it abuse at times what i suffered as a child. though there was some verbal and mental abuse. The bruises were hid and i always prvoked them. was it my fault? as i look back now i know it could have been handled differently. Am i rationalizing again YES.
I suffered most my abuse in realationships. And the majority in the first serious realationship i had. I was 16 he was 26 and he was an alcoholic. He abused my mentaly, verbally, physically and sexually almost daily. I ran away to live with him i isolated from friends and family and at 16 I thought i was an adult. I went to school one morning walked in the door when my mom dropped me off walked out and he picked me up a few mins before the bell rang. I thought i could deal with it, but i finally did leave by divine intervention. He got arrested for violating parole. People knew what was happening and no one stopped it. I might have thought i was an adult but i was a frightened little girl inside. Well i feel a bit of guilt over the situation that unfolded when he got out. I never said a word and as events unfolded he did it to someone else and at the moment he is in prison for first degree sexual assult. The problem the end of the year he reaches the maximum time on his sentence. I pretend im not paralized with fear, but i am. I'd run far away, but i know how to stand my ground. over the last 10 years i've been through alot and it "toughened me up". He used to tell me when he hit me he was trying to "toughen me up". Some times I believed it, and it took me a long time to truely understand i could stand up for myself. It did in a way toughen me up.
Rape. the night after prom i was visciously attacked and set up for it my the highschool basketball team. It was very difficult and soon after i left the school i could not confront people on a daily basis that tried to lie about the involvment in my attack. It was horrible dealing with the police and my attacker was never found. I had a date rape experience in college after being drugged at a party also. i brought him up on charges and after a confession he never served a day in jail. money buys alot and it also buys freedom ive learned.

There's more i will add later, but thats the basics

My Blog

I guess I will start here. I decided to write this blog to write this blog annonimously. I'm going to write about my life the good, bad, and crazy moments in it. I have Boarderline Personality Disorder and a very addictive nature. I am a former model, stripper, and cyber vixen. I'm not saying this is going to be a sex blog, but alot of it will be about sex and food and my current addiction to it. I also have sturggled in substance abuse and cutting. I promise to tell the truth without fillers and sugar coating. I'm writting something i would like to read. Some of the material may not be suitable for all readers. Some people may find it disturbing. I have a very dark side of me. I will write about trama in my past and mistakes i have made. Some of it gets very deep and disturbing. This is something i'm choosing to do to expose some of the issues alot of people don't understand or would like to read about how it effects real people. I don't think the way the media prtrays somethings are completely accurite.
I may go on about different current topics time to time, but i don't push my view and i will never post politics. Feel free at anytime to message me or comments. If you have any questions or concerns i'd be more then happy to help. I felt i needed to put this disclaimer up due to how graphic at times this blog may get, but it's me uncensroed and uncut. My next post i will post shortly with background info about me and my life.